“The Four Agreements” was a key part in improving my anxiety and perspective towards life. Written by Toltec spiritual teacher Don Miguel Ruiz, it contains four practical pieces of advice which are simple to read and difficult to live by. For an esoteric “self-help” book, the following agreements are universal and effective enough to help anyone improve their wellbeing.
The first agreement is to be impeccable with your word; basically, it means to speak and act with honesty and compassion. Society has a problem with honesty, exacerbated by social media’s filters and anonymity. I fell into the trap of trading barbs and telling lies to avoid conflict, only to remember the warm sunny feeling I got from complimenting and wishing everyone (including myself) well. From then on, I resolved to ensure my actions and speech represented me with kindness and sincerity.
The second agreement is to not take anything anyone says or does personally. I had asked myself if a person’s cruel assessment of my character was correct, but I eventually realized that their cruelty only reflected their own struggles and unhappiness. This even extends out into the public sphere where famous people often launch insults instead of offering constructive criticism. My expanded perspective helped me to try letting go of insults and focus more on my loved one’s constructive feedback.
The third and most important agreement is to not make assumptions, which essentially asks us all to admit in confounding situations, “I just do not know the answer.” I struggled with anxiety because I overthought every possible cause behind it until I just let the answer find me, learning recently to rest from cognitive work and practice mindfulness. The human struggle of agitating oneself imagining what is in the dark instead of feeling their way in it leads to distrust and ruined relationships. Accepting the unknown was the bravest and most humble choice that eventually helped me relieve a lot of anxiety to this day.
The fourth and final agreement is to always do your best – which does not mean to give all of your best. Instead of dedicating all your stamina to a task, save your work for the next day and get some rest, which is difficult to achieve in a society that values exhausting work. Working smarter instead of harder and prioritizing one’s well-being is a valuable way to approach life and its many tasks. Life is difficult, and rising up to start the day is sometimes one of the greatest and most courageous feats you can accomplish.
No one is obligated to follow Don Miguel or the Toltec teachings, but because of how living by the agreements have absolutely helped change my life for the better, I would request that everyone read his book for themselves to improve themselves. I will always remember books like this that have inspired my journey to live my life to the fullest and help others do the same.
